How Did I Get Here?
It all started in December when I received an email stating that I had been nominated for a Big Apple Teacher Award and that I had made it to the next round. My first thought was disbelief! Can you imagine that? You have just been told that you have been nominated for an award and the first thing that runs through your mind is "there must have been a mistake!" How is that even possible? Why do teachers constantly think that they aren't good enough?
Once I let the news sink in for a moment or two, I reread the email and let the words sink in. "Someone had nominated you." That meant that someone in my school took it upon themselves to nominate me for an award because they thought that I was good. No, strike that, they thought I was great! They thought that I was an amazing teacher and how did I repay this gift of kindness and recognition, with the idea that I wasn't good enough to be nominated!
This is a problem! All too often, as teachers, we constantly hear "You did this wrong" or "It's your fault that.." or "You need to change..." and somewhere along the way those words turn into "You are not a good teacher" or "maybe this isn't for you" or "You need to do better." Can you imagine coming to work everyday with the idea that you are not good at your job? It is heartbreaking and I see it all the time. We NEED to do better! We NEED to change this mindset that has attached itself to teachers. We HAVE TO!
So there I was, reading an email about being nominated and thinking to myself, "I can do this!" Through a big cup of coffee, I continued to read and got to the part where they explained the next steps. According to the email I now needed to get recommendations as well as answer several questions. And the last part, UGH! I had to make a tape of myself, no longer than 3 minutes (I'll get to this part later).
So the next day, I walked into school confident in who I was going to ask to write my recommendation. What I found out shocked me! As I began talking about the process with my fellow teachers, I started to hear the same thing over and over again. "Oh, I was nominated for that award too, but I didn't want to continue the process!" "Oh, I remember I got an email a few years ago saying I was nominated too, but I deleted it!" My mind literally exploded! How could ALL these amazing teachers not want to pursue this process of being recognized. Surely, it couldn't be because of this idea that WE as teachers are not good enough! Yes, its a lot of work. Yes, it is time consuming filling out the questions, but isn't it worth it? Aren't we worthy of this idea of being an amazing teacher? The answer for many teachers is NO!
Somewhere along the line we have decided that everything wrong with the education system lies on the shoulders of the teachers. No one takes into consideration how hard we work or how many times we have to be MORE than a teacher. All anyone concentrates on is the fact that we get the summers off! Get the summers off! Well I'm sorry if this is going to offend some people, but you are darn right we get the summers and guess what, we work damn hard to get those vacation days! And even as I am typing this I am thinking in my head of all my fellow teachers that don't get the summers off. Who do you think works summer school? Who do you think goes to all those professional developments? Who do you think takes extra classes to become administrators? Teachers! Well not me to be exact because I sit my behind at the pool and soak in the rays while I read a good book...why? Because I earned it!
But back to my story! So I completed the requirements for the Big Apple Teacher Award and unbelievably, I made it to the final round! Exciting right? Nope, absolutely terrifying! The next step was to have the "Big Wigs" from the District Office come and observe me! No scarier words have ever been spoken to a teacher! There is no teacher in this world who wakes up in the morning and thinks, "You know what would be great? If the Superintendent of my school district came into my classroom to watch me teach!" UGH!
The morning of the observation I woke up extra early and decided that I was going to change my mindset associated with this terrifying observation. Sure, I was shaking in my Uggs, but I started to think about how exciting it was going to be for me to share my amazing students and my very decorated, with love, classroom! I started to think what a great experience this was going to be for my students. How, for so long they have been told they aren't smart enough, because they are in Special Education and how now it was going to be their turn to show just how great they were! So 10 minutes before the observation was to start, we pumped each other up! They may have been some yelling and jumping and laughing and smiling, but with two minutes left, my students and I were ready. And then in walked the "Big Wigs"... and all the excitement and joy left the classroom as the door closed behind them! Why you may ask? Because as they walked in, their faces told a story that said, "We don't want to be here, but we have too!" Now I don't know if that is the true way that they were feeling. In fact, I don't know anything about what they were feeling or thinking because no one said two words to me! Can you imagine that! Instead they went to opposite corners, took out laptops and cell phones and walked around my very small, but very welcoming, classroom. Sure they stopped and asked my students some questions, but they literally were there counting down the 30 minutes. And how do I know that? Because at exactly 30 minutes, they packed up and left! And as they walked out the classroom, my students finally let go of that breathe that they had been holding onto the whole time. And I WAS MAD!
Here we go again! Instead of treating this observation as an exciting opportunity, it was treated as a "gotcha" moment! A "what can we catch you doing wrong" time. And it made me so angry that I could feel the fire escaping my ears! Not because I wanted to win the award, sure that would be amazing, but because here was an opportunity to give a teacher the acknowledgment and praise that she deserved and it was missed, again. It wasn't seen as a time to give a compliment or a congratulations but a time to see, once again, what this teacher was doing wrong! AND THAT IS A HUGE PROBLEM! Why can't we acknowledge the hard work that teachers do? Why can't we give praise and suggestions at the same time? Of course, we are not perfect, but we are also not these terrible monsters who do nothing right.
In that moment I realized why so many of co-workers had never completed the application, because it was a pipe dream. They knew that they would have to work hard and receive no recognition and I felt scammed. I was mad that I let my students go through that. I was mad that I let myself go through that! And then something amazing happened! One by one my co-teachers started stopping by my door to ask how it went. My principal made a special visit to my class to give me an encouraging smile and a thumbs up! My assistant principals stopped me in the hallways and gave me a pat on the back. All of this made me realize that us teachers, we got each other! We are a special kind of force! We know what we go through on a daily basis. That a smile or a look in the hallway says, "I got you!" or "I understand" without any words being shared. I understood in that moment that teachers are simply amazing people!
So the next time you see a teacher, give them a high five and a "you're doing great!" The next time you see a teacher realize that they probably had a pretty tough day and they are already thinking about ALL the things that went wrong! And teachers...please, the next time you get recognized for an award, go for it! Because some pretty amazing things will happen! The next time someone says, "You are a great teacher," believe it because you are! The next time a student tells you that you are their favorite, hold on to it because that makes it worth all the time! And always remember, teacher, you are amazing!
Once I let the news sink in for a moment or two, I reread the email and let the words sink in. "Someone had nominated you." That meant that someone in my school took it upon themselves to nominate me for an award because they thought that I was good. No, strike that, they thought I was great! They thought that I was an amazing teacher and how did I repay this gift of kindness and recognition, with the idea that I wasn't good enough to be nominated!
This is a problem! All too often, as teachers, we constantly hear "You did this wrong" or "It's your fault that.." or "You need to change..." and somewhere along the way those words turn into "You are not a good teacher" or "maybe this isn't for you" or "You need to do better." Can you imagine coming to work everyday with the idea that you are not good at your job? It is heartbreaking and I see it all the time. We NEED to do better! We NEED to change this mindset that has attached itself to teachers. We HAVE TO!
So there I was, reading an email about being nominated and thinking to myself, "I can do this!" Through a big cup of coffee, I continued to read and got to the part where they explained the next steps. According to the email I now needed to get recommendations as well as answer several questions. And the last part, UGH! I had to make a tape of myself, no longer than 3 minutes (I'll get to this part later).
So the next day, I walked into school confident in who I was going to ask to write my recommendation. What I found out shocked me! As I began talking about the process with my fellow teachers, I started to hear the same thing over and over again. "Oh, I was nominated for that award too, but I didn't want to continue the process!" "Oh, I remember I got an email a few years ago saying I was nominated too, but I deleted it!" My mind literally exploded! How could ALL these amazing teachers not want to pursue this process of being recognized. Surely, it couldn't be because of this idea that WE as teachers are not good enough! Yes, its a lot of work. Yes, it is time consuming filling out the questions, but isn't it worth it? Aren't we worthy of this idea of being an amazing teacher? The answer for many teachers is NO!
Somewhere along the line we have decided that everything wrong with the education system lies on the shoulders of the teachers. No one takes into consideration how hard we work or how many times we have to be MORE than a teacher. All anyone concentrates on is the fact that we get the summers off! Get the summers off! Well I'm sorry if this is going to offend some people, but you are darn right we get the summers and guess what, we work damn hard to get those vacation days! And even as I am typing this I am thinking in my head of all my fellow teachers that don't get the summers off. Who do you think works summer school? Who do you think goes to all those professional developments? Who do you think takes extra classes to become administrators? Teachers! Well not me to be exact because I sit my behind at the pool and soak in the rays while I read a good book...why? Because I earned it!
But back to my story! So I completed the requirements for the Big Apple Teacher Award and unbelievably, I made it to the final round! Exciting right? Nope, absolutely terrifying! The next step was to have the "Big Wigs" from the District Office come and observe me! No scarier words have ever been spoken to a teacher! There is no teacher in this world who wakes up in the morning and thinks, "You know what would be great? If the Superintendent of my school district came into my classroom to watch me teach!" UGH!
The morning of the observation I woke up extra early and decided that I was going to change my mindset associated with this terrifying observation. Sure, I was shaking in my Uggs, but I started to think about how exciting it was going to be for me to share my amazing students and my very decorated, with love, classroom! I started to think what a great experience this was going to be for my students. How, for so long they have been told they aren't smart enough, because they are in Special Education and how now it was going to be their turn to show just how great they were! So 10 minutes before the observation was to start, we pumped each other up! They may have been some yelling and jumping and laughing and smiling, but with two minutes left, my students and I were ready. And then in walked the "Big Wigs"... and all the excitement and joy left the classroom as the door closed behind them! Why you may ask? Because as they walked in, their faces told a story that said, "We don't want to be here, but we have too!" Now I don't know if that is the true way that they were feeling. In fact, I don't know anything about what they were feeling or thinking because no one said two words to me! Can you imagine that! Instead they went to opposite corners, took out laptops and cell phones and walked around my very small, but very welcoming, classroom. Sure they stopped and asked my students some questions, but they literally were there counting down the 30 minutes. And how do I know that? Because at exactly 30 minutes, they packed up and left! And as they walked out the classroom, my students finally let go of that breathe that they had been holding onto the whole time. And I WAS MAD!
Here we go again! Instead of treating this observation as an exciting opportunity, it was treated as a "gotcha" moment! A "what can we catch you doing wrong" time. And it made me so angry that I could feel the fire escaping my ears! Not because I wanted to win the award, sure that would be amazing, but because here was an opportunity to give a teacher the acknowledgment and praise that she deserved and it was missed, again. It wasn't seen as a time to give a compliment or a congratulations but a time to see, once again, what this teacher was doing wrong! AND THAT IS A HUGE PROBLEM! Why can't we acknowledge the hard work that teachers do? Why can't we give praise and suggestions at the same time? Of course, we are not perfect, but we are also not these terrible monsters who do nothing right.
In that moment I realized why so many of co-workers had never completed the application, because it was a pipe dream. They knew that they would have to work hard and receive no recognition and I felt scammed. I was mad that I let my students go through that. I was mad that I let myself go through that! And then something amazing happened! One by one my co-teachers started stopping by my door to ask how it went. My principal made a special visit to my class to give me an encouraging smile and a thumbs up! My assistant principals stopped me in the hallways and gave me a pat on the back. All of this made me realize that us teachers, we got each other! We are a special kind of force! We know what we go through on a daily basis. That a smile or a look in the hallway says, "I got you!" or "I understand" without any words being shared. I understood in that moment that teachers are simply amazing people!
So the next time you see a teacher, give them a high five and a "you're doing great!" The next time you see a teacher realize that they probably had a pretty tough day and they are already thinking about ALL the things that went wrong! And teachers...please, the next time you get recognized for an award, go for it! Because some pretty amazing things will happen! The next time someone says, "You are a great teacher," believe it because you are! The next time a student tells you that you are their favorite, hold on to it because that makes it worth all the time! And always remember, teacher, you are amazing!
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